Have you ever looked at Doctor Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture and thought to yourself: man, I want to know what that bundle of repression and neuroses shoved into an assembly of bones and sinew looks like when he's ready to get it on?
If you answered no to that question, you are a sane human being. If you answered no to that question, you also shouldn't be here for this memory. Donning a diamond-patterned vest and wig that looks straight out of the 70s, Rusty is in the midst of charming one Doctor Girlfriend - currently undercover as Charlene, and no, we don't know how Rusty missed that voice either - who is herself wearing chopsticks in her hair and a hanfu-inspired dress that looks straight out of the late 90s.
"So... this is me," she says, jingling her keys in front of her car.
"Um, uh, um, uhhhh, okay, Charlene," Rusty says, looking as though he's about to get an aneurysm by having an attractive woman even look at him. "How about I give you my number to my two-way private wrist communicator watch?"
"How about I give you a ride to your place?"
Rusty looks like he might cry shortly thereafter, and spends the ride over to his beautiful compound attempting to subtly readjust himself so he doesn't sit on his own boner. It doesn't take them long to enter his bedroom - which, incidentally, also looks like it's straight out of the 70s due to some horrifying arrested development on Rusty's part - and they get to undressing and, of course, indulging in a little foreplay.
Which is to say, a half-naked Rusty is busy wrapping his arms around her like an octopus and shoving his tongue down her throat with the desperation of a man who's only had the company of his own hand and various experimental sex toys (the auto-suckerTM got stuck on him for three days once, and he's chosen good old hand lotion ever since that particular trauma) for a very, very long time. Charlene's hands dig right into that massive wig of his, moving it around his bulbous, bald head. Rusty ruts against her leg, as if he has no idea where to locate a woman's vagina. It's disgusting.
"Do you have any condoms?" She asks.
"Just a mo."
Rusty digs around for a condom in his long-neglected nightstand, and it promptly crumbles once he picks it up. "Huh! Condoms. Rusty doesn't need condoms to please a woman," he says, with the smugness of someone who's trying desperately to spin something horrible into something to do with his non-existent sexual prowess.
As he tries to get condom-dust off of his fingers, Dr. Girlfriend approaches him from behind and unceremoniously shoots a needlegun into his neck. Not to be dissuaded from a simple attack, Rusty lets out a distressingly salacious, "Oh, so you like it rough," before promptly passing out.
It is, without hyperbole, one of his finest moments, and that's a very sad statement indeed.
MMMM HOT SEXING
If you answered no to that question, you are a sane human being. If you answered no to that question, you also shouldn't be here for this memory. Donning a diamond-patterned vest and wig that looks straight out of the 70s, Rusty is in the midst of charming one Doctor Girlfriend - currently undercover as Charlene, and no, we don't know how Rusty missed that voice either - who is herself wearing chopsticks in her hair and a hanfu-inspired dress that looks straight out of the late 90s.
"So... this is me," she says, jingling her keys in front of her car.
"Um, uh, um, uhhhh, okay, Charlene," Rusty says, looking as though he's about to get an aneurysm by having an attractive woman even look at him. "How about I give you my number to my two-way private wrist communicator watch?"
"How about I give you a ride to your place?"
Rusty looks like he might cry shortly thereafter, and spends the ride over to his beautiful compound attempting to subtly readjust himself so he doesn't sit on his own boner. It doesn't take them long to enter his bedroom - which, incidentally, also looks like it's straight out of the 70s due to some horrifying arrested development on Rusty's part - and they get to undressing and, of course, indulging in a little foreplay.
Which is to say, a half-naked Rusty is busy wrapping his arms around her like an octopus and shoving his tongue down her throat with the desperation of a man who's only had the company of his own hand and various experimental sex toys (the auto-suckerTM got stuck on him for three days once, and he's chosen good old hand lotion ever since that particular trauma) for a very, very long time. Charlene's hands dig right into that massive wig of his, moving it around his bulbous, bald head. Rusty ruts against her leg, as if he has no idea where to locate a woman's vagina. It's disgusting.
"Do you have any condoms?" She asks.
"Just a mo."
Rusty digs around for a condom in his long-neglected nightstand, and it promptly crumbles once he picks it up. "Huh! Condoms. Rusty doesn't need condoms to please a woman," he says, with the smugness of someone who's trying desperately to spin something horrible into something to do with his non-existent sexual prowess.
As he tries to get condom-dust off of his fingers, Dr. Girlfriend approaches him from behind and unceremoniously shoots a needlegun into his neck. Not to be dissuaded from a simple attack, Rusty lets out a distressingly salacious, "Oh, so you like it rough," before promptly passing out.
It is, without hyperbole, one of his finest moments, and that's a very sad statement indeed.